Leroy, the Redneck Reindeer
Well, you've all heard about Rudolph and his nose,
But I'll tell you a Christmas tale that never has been told.
Well, you may think you've heard it all but you ain't heard yet.
About that crazy Christmas that the North pole can't forget.
Rudolph was under the weather, he had to call in sick.
So he got on the horn to his cousin Leroy, who lived out in the sticks.
He said: "Santa's really counting on me and I hate to pass the buck."
Leroy said "Hey I'm on my way," and he jumped in his pick-up truck.
When Leroy got to the North Pole all the reindeer snickered and laughed.
They'd never seen a deer in overalls and a John Deere Tractor hat.
But Santa stepped in and said: "Just calm down cause we've all got a job to do.
"And like it or not, Leroy's in charge, and he's gonna be leading you."
And it was Leroy, the red neck reindeer,
Hooked to the front of the sleigh.
Delivering toys to all the good ole boys and girls along the way.
He's just a down home party animal, two-stepping across the sky.
He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell, and made history that night.
Before that night was over, Leroy had changed their tune.
He had them scootin' a hoof on every single roof, by the light of a neon moon.
Santa wrapped his bag with a Dixie flag, he was having the time of his life.
And you can hear him call Merry Christmas y'all, and to all of y'all a good night.
And it was Leroy, the red neck reindeer,
Hooked to the front of the sleigh.
Delivering toys to all the good ole boys and girls along the way.
He's just a down home party animal, two-stepping across the sky.
He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell, and made history that night.
He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell, and made history that night.
You Know You're in a Redneck Church If...
1. ... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
2. ... when the congregation learns that Jesus fed the 5000, they ask whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
3. ... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
4. ... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
5. ... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of".
6. ... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
7. ... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
8. ... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
9. ... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.
10. ... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
11. ... the collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.
12. ... instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.
13. ... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
14. ... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".
15. ... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.
16. ... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya hear".
Too Many Moose
Two redneck hunters from Arkansas got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two good old boys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off.
Climbing out of the wreck Bubba asked George, "Any idea where we are?"
"Yaaah", said George. "I think we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."
