Too Many Moose
Two redneck hunters from Arkansas got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two good old boys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off.
Climbing out of the wreck Bubba asked George, "Any idea where we are?"
"Yaaah", said George. "I think we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Redneck Lifetime Achievement Award
Twelve satellite dishes on one front porch -- reportedly picks up 5000 stations.
Redneck Airlines
Hillbilly Dictionary
Benign......................... What you be, after you be eight.
Artery......................... The study of paintings.
Bacteria....................... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium..........................What doctors do when patients die.
Caesarean Section......A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan.......................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize.....................Made eye contact with her.
Dilate...........................To live long.
Enema......................... Not a friend.
Fester......................... Quicker than someone else.
Hangnail...................... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent...................... Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.
Morbid.........................A higher offer.
Nitrates...................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................... I knew it.
Outpatient.................. A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear..................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis..........................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative........... A letter carrier.
Recovery Room......... Place to do upholstery.
Rectum....................... Pretty near killed him.
Seizure....................... Roman emperor.
Terminal Illness........... Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor......................... One plus one more.
Urine........................... Opposite of you're out.
Redneck Pacifier
Do they make a mullet wig for toddlers?
How to Tell You're Using a Redneck Computer
10. The monitor is up on little blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to four.
5. Every password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the side of the computer.
3. There's a Skoal can used for your beverage coaster.
2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer
is...
1. The mouse is referred to as the "critter."
Half Price
This would make a great lawn ornament -- shiny enough for the front yard.
Redneck Family Photo
Redneck Dishwasher
It seems to be on the rinse cycle.
One Bedroom Villa with Front Porch
This van was seen parked on prime beach-front real estate in Maui. Watch out if your real estate agent's name is Bubba.
